The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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