oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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