But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
