so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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