I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
