So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
