been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
