I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
