I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
