apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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