I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
