How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and she was petting her beer can
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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