Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
