Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
