Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
