What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
