dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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