Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
