Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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