I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
