Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
