Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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