Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
did i just pee glitter
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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