i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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