Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
