we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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