i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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