so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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