OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
