I love black thongs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
whose parrot is this?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
