I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
