by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
