i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
