I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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