I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
