Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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