fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
