My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
