I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
