No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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