i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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