just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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