The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
