if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
