he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
