Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
