I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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