u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
