This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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