Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
