Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
